I’m genuinely sorry for disappearing for a few months. The best way to describe my absence is that I’ve been holed up at home figuring things out. For some reason the last few months I’ve really come to acknowledge and address my almost life-long struggle with anxiety and depression. I can’t say there was a defining moment where my eyes widen, something inside me clicked and I suddenly came to this stunning realisation that I really needed to make some changes. Nothing particularly profound, nothing momentous, nothing at all. I’ve honestly spent the last few months completely engulfed with work. It’s been a transitional period at my workplace and I’ve made it my mission to be really good at my job which has always been challenging both professionally and personally at the best of times. The onslaught of working day-in, day-out without any “break” has meant I’ve just stepped away from the computer and even any remnant of a social life. I’ve always been quite the hermit, quiet, worried, and cautious. I’ve always had traces of anxiety and depression, to the point where there are periods of my life where I was unable to get out of bed, to carry a conversation, to maintain a normal sleeping pattern, and just completely shut myself off from social contact. I generally find social contact quite difficult to the point of uncomfortable. Sometimes it’s all too hard.
Astonishingly I wrote the above piece in May 2016 and completely forgot about it. Today is October 23rd 2016 and I was going to put together a post of one of my travel experiences over the last eighteen months. A few friends have asked when I was ever going to start blogging again and for whatever reason, after almost one year of inactivity, today I felt like giving it another go. Lo-and-behold sitting in the drafts section was that sad piece of my thoughts at one point this year. I read it over with complete surprise and thought about deleting it. But to be honest it’s one of those things I feel might be good for me if I get it out there. Life after that scribbling of thoughts in May most certainly got worse. Without going into any details I’ve had a few big things happen to me since May that were some of the most challenging hurdles I’ve ever had to face. I’m in the process of making lots of changes in my life and writing has always been a place of solace for me. I hope this doesn’t come off as a disingenuous cry for attention or pity. For me, posting this for the world to see is my way of having control over acknowledging the difficult things that have been going on for me in a way I’m comfortable. For anyone reading this who is currently facing their own personal demons, I hope you don’t feel alone as I have at times. Please reach out to someone for support or find your own personal way of acknowledging what’s happening and making that choice to help yourself. I’ll be back again soon, promise.